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Presidential turkey pardons are for the birds, John Oliver says

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Television host John Oliver hilariously shouted “Death to turkeys!” this week as he questioned the long-held tradition of the Thanksgiving turkey presidential pardon.

“There is something profoundly strange about a president making a show of pardoning one turkey to mark a holiday on which everyone – the president included - consumes an estimated 46 million birds," he opined.

The host of “Last Week Tonight,” which is on hiatus but keeps posting videos like “a psychotic ex to remind viewers what they are missing," says all turkeys are guilty - of being delicious. Oliver suggested that President Obama and all future presidential turkey pardoners show up with a cleaver and swiftly dispatch the guilty birds to "administer the justice they so clearly deserve.”

'The strangest Thanksgiving tradition'

But perhaps Oliver, who is from, ahem, the land the pilgrims fled to celebrate the first Thanksgiving, would eat crow if he met this year’s lucky birds, currently ensconced in a swanky Washington D.C. hotel.

The 50 pound birds have come a long way since they were born in July at Cooper Farms in Ohio. They do not have official monikers yet, as that is done by the first family, but they do have nicknames.

Meet Mac and Cheese.

Both birds will get a reprieve from the Thanksgiving table but only Cheese became the National Thanksgiving Turkey. President Barack Obama made the announcement at about 11:15 a.m. Wednesday and of course the White House carried it live.

Gary Cooper, the owner of Cooper Farms, told USA Today it was like the Miss Universe contest. "We've got the winner and the first runner-up," he said.

Regardless, both turkeys will be taken to Morven Park in Leesburg, Va., where they will presumably live out their natural lives, which is about ten years for a domesticated bird.

Some say the tradition of turkey pardoning dates back to Abraham Lincoln, but according to “The Definitive History of the Presidential Turkey Pardon," President George H.W. Bush was the first leader of the free world to officially grant a presidential turkey pardon, on Nov. 14 1989.

And with that a tradition was born. A serious tradition. Check out the results from last year.

(Pop music fans - who knew?)

The birds made the trek from Ohio on Monday, a turkey trot that was, of course, documented on Twitter.

Road trip!

Before they embarked they gobbled along with Kenny Chesney.Here they are enjoying the ride. And the accomodations. And the attention. At the end of the day, though, it all comes down to this. Except, of course, for two lucky birds, who by the power of Article ll, Section 2 of the United States Constitution, will receive a presidential pardon.

And to John Oliver, I give the subject of your next "psychotic ex video," because THIS is really dumb. You're welcome.

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